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Cheers to Healthy Partnership
Are we codependent?
Jaclyn Kirby
March 20, 2025
Hey 💛
In this conversation, we’re unpacking the question: What is codependence?
Is it?: Depending on another being to supplement things that you can’t do for yourself.
What about getting into a relationship, cutting off your friends, changing your hobbies and lifestyle?
If I do the second, does that mean my partner is manipulative and controlling?
Or have they just empowered me to stop the people-pleasing behavior and finally stand up and live for ME?
The desire to grow and change is healthy, right?
But when it no longer stands to benefit the people around you, all of a sudden, it’s called toxic.
People tell you they’re concerned. But really, just unwilling to see you win and be happy in a way that is new.
Levi and I both dealt with these concerned friends at the beginning of our relationship and it forced us to really look into what codependence is and whether it fits for us or not.
Here’s what we’ve come to understand…
What a codependent relationship is:
Relying on others’ affirmations to feel accepted
Unable to do your own thing
Being the butt of everyone’s joke, the punching bag, the servant of another’s emotional well-being, deep in one-sided relationships
Wanting to leave a situation but feeling unable to survive without
What a codependent relationship is not:
Growing into a new person with new interests
Wanting to stay in more and soak in all the love you have at home
Building your own family and spending more time creating new traditions and memories
Doing everything with your partner because you want to and you enjoy each other most
Missing your partner when you’re away from them, even for short periods of time
You have to figure out what makes you genuinely happy when you’re by yourself.
Do you enjoy being around the people who are enabling you to be your worst?
Or do you want a different life?
If so, it is on YOU to make the changes that need to be made in order to feel completely fulfilled.
Are you gripping onto average for fear of going full out?
Face the reality that you can lose everything, and still, I believe, that life is always working out for me.
What if at this stage in life, you don’t need a bunch of friends around to feel fulfilled?
What if promoting LOVE is something to be desired? Isn’t that what we all want?
I can only speak for myself, but from how I see it, there’s nothing more important or beautiful than prioritizing the family that you choose as you grow beyond your teens and immature early 20s.
Finding personal confidence and growth when held by the support of a healthy relationship is what we’re all about.
Enjoy the conversation and cheers! 🥂
🍷 What we drank in this episode: Montoliva 2021 Sierra Bella
Pre-recording dinner recipe: Slow-cooked cozy pot roast 🍖
Slow-cooked pot roast
Ingredients:
- Beef roast (I’ve done this with chuck, sirloin, rump roasts, and most recently I even made it with a venison roast that my husband’s friend hunted. Whatever your grass-fed small family farm has available will work.)
- 2 large potatoes
- 2 large carrots
- ½ yellow onion
- 5 garlic cloves
- Half jar of pepperoncini with juice (Jeff’s Garden or Thrive Market’s brand have the cleanest ingredient list I’ve found.)
- 1 stick butter
- 4 cups beef bone broth (Fond or Thrive Market’s brand)
- Sprinkle salt, pepper, paprika, & thyme
Directions:
*start 10 hours before you plan to eat. The best dinner when you have plans all day! Just a quick prep in the morning and then it’ll be all ready to go by dinnertime.
1. Chop potatoes, carrots, garlic, and, onion into chunks.
2. Sear the meat in a cast iron.
3. Place seared meat in a slow cooker.
4. Add all ingredients to the pot and lightly mix in.
5. Cook on low for 6-8 hours.
6. Finish cooking on high for 2 more hours.
7. Shred meat inside the pot.
8. Eat as is or make sandwiches with a homemade sourdough baguette! 🥖
🤍🤍 Jaclyn
